


Hanging by a Thread

by spacegirlstuff



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, M/M, No Dialogue, Suptober 2020 (Supernatural), This is absolutely terrible, not having the greatest day, sorry - Freeform, will try and change it or add something later if i feel upto it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegirlstuff/pseuds/spacegirlstuff
Summary: Suptober 2020Prompt 29: Fragile~~~He had heard that loving someone was difficult, demanding, wearing. But loving the hunter, it was as easy as living.Loving Dean Winchester was the only thing he ever wanted to do.It the only thing he had ever known, the only thing he believed in, the only thing that was constant in his life.And how ironic it was knowing thatthe only thing worth living for would be the reason he dies.Loving Dean Winchester was worth it, it was worth everything.And so he laid his hand on the hunter's shoulder one last time, leaving his bloody handprint on the jacket, leaving his fragile heart in his calloused hands, leaving his lover crying on the dungeon floor.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Hanging by a Thread

Castiel never really understood the phrase, ‘ _ Walking on the Edge of a Knife _ ’ until he had made the deal with the empty. He had always known how fragile life was but living it on his own, overthinking every choice that he made, every turn that he took, every word that he said, it exhausted him. 

He was tired of the way he would walk out of the room whenever he knew Jack was about to do something that would make his heart burst. He was tired of the way he would ignore Sam whenever he knew that the hunter would try to sit him down and ask him to take a break and just enjoy his time with his family. He was tired of the way his son would send him a sad look whenever he realized that the angel was distancing himself. But most of all, he was tired of the way he had to abandon Dean each time he realized that the hunter was about to confess his feelings.  _ He was tired of protecting his delicate life _ .

Castiel knew about Deans' feelings, of course, he knew. how could he not when he felt the hunters' unadulterated devotion rush through his grace each time their hands touched. Each time he healed Dean, he could feel every emotion that the hunter felt. And each time, the emotion that stood out the most was  _ love _ . 

No matter how much he tried, the angel could never really understand why the hunter felt that way. He had expected the love to dim, to fade away, to die. But it never did. Even after more than a decade, Dean Winchesters’ love for his angel never weakened. Despite everything the angel had done, despite how angry the hunter would be, despite how many times the angel had let him down, the love only seemed to grow. 

And the angel loved him too. At first, it was hardly present, barely burning, weaker than a candle in the wind. But that small flame made him rebel for the hunter, made him fall from heaven for the hunter, made him give up everything for the hunter.  _ That small flame gave him freedom. _

And since then, the flame only grew.  _ It grew bright enough to blind him, to burn him, to consume him alive. _ It grew so bright that now it seemed to be the only thing that could define him, make him who he was, complete him. 

_ It made him fragile. _

Loving Dean Winchester soon became the only thing he had ever known, the only thing he believed in, the only thing that was constant in his life. Loving Dean Winchester was like walking on thin ice, one wrong step, and the next thing you know, you are wrapped up in a cold sea of blue. Loving Dean Winchester was like walking through fire, no matter how much you tried to avoid the flames, it would always burn you. Loving Dean Winchester was like being tortured again and again, the pain always mind-numbing. 

_ But loving Dean Winchester was the only thing he ever wanted to do. _

Because, loving Dean Winchester was like the first rays of the sun, warming up his freezing body to the core. Loving Dean Winchester was like a medicine to all his scars, soothing the pain till he felt nothing. Loving Dean Winchester was like finally being able to breathe, to live. Loving Dean Winchester felt like returning home

Loving Dean Winchester was worth the pain, it was worth the torture, it was worth the agony. _ Loving Dean Winchester was worth everything. _

He had heard that loving someone was difficult, demanding, wearing. But loving the hunter, it was as easy as natural as living. 

And how ironic it was knowing that _ the only thing worth living for would be the reason he dies _ . 

And he was not ready to die, not now at least. He still had a lot of work to do, loose ends to tie, businesses he needed to take care of. With Chuck destroying worlds, he could not bail out on Sam, Dean, and Jack, he could not quit on them, he could not die on them. He had waited for ten years, he could wait a bit longer, he could hold onto his feelings a bit longer, he could ignore Deans' heart a bit longer. 

It won't take much time now though, he could feel his clock ticking to an end, he could see the black fluid creeping under the doors of the dungeon, he could feel the blood coating his hands, he could see Dean in front of him. The last grains of sand were falling and he was not ready to leave Sam, leave Jack, leave Dean. 

_ And so he put his bloody hand on the hunter's shoulder, leaving his bloody handprint on the jacket, leaving his heart in his calloused hands, leaving his lover kneeling on the dungeon floor.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys... I'm just having a very bad day and this was all I could come up with. I will probably come back to this and fix it up a bit, add stuff and all.  
> You can find me on [tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spacegirlstuff)  
> Love you all!


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